A List Of Single Rich Tech Bros Who Might Date You

Anyone who says they haven’t at the least was just thinking about what it would be like to marry rich is a fucking liar. Many of us probably spend time imagining the fabulous life you could result if only you had a romantic meet-cute with Zac Efron( while hiking with your dog in the Los Angeles hills and your pooch runs away straight into his arms … or something. Haven’t set much thought into it ). But a life of glamorous riches with a celebrity comes with the price of fame and red carpet and having to work out all the time. So I think it’s period we replace that celebrity fiction with a successful tech entrepreneur fantasy–because if you want a partner that can support you financially while you pursue your dreaming chore of pop culture blogging/ Netflix bingeing, it’d be way cooler if they were also intelligent, inventive, and successful af.

Unfortunately our favorite tech son feminist and Reddit co-founder, Alexis Ohanian, is no longer on the market( one more reason to love Serena Williams ), but there are plenty of other viable-ish options out there, and they’re probably online dating( because tech ). So get your asses out to Silicon Valley, consider the advantages( besides $$$) and drawbacks of dating a tech founder, and start compiling a listing of DM’s to slide into.

Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX

Elon doesn’t truly fly under the radar like our other competitors, and you probably won’t find him on Hinge( regrettably ). But he recently split from Amber Heard, so he is definitely emotionally unavailable on the market. He runs Tesla, SpaceX and The Boring Company–which is digging holes in L.A. to get rid of traffic, so he’s a total do-gooder and world saver. He’s worth about $19 billion, has been divorced three times( twice from the same woman ), and only has six children for you to help raise.

Advantages : All the Teslas in the world, and a good chance he would take you to Mars.

Disadvantages : He runs like, a million companies and has like, a million children, so there likely isn’t much time for cuddles.

Jack Dorsey: Twitter

Jack is the CEO and co-founder of Twitter and the CEO and founder of Square( Venmo’s less successful stepsister ). He’s 41 years old and worth around$ 3 billion. He has tattoos and stuff so he was probably an emo child in high school, and I once ensure him speak at a Square holiday party–he’s SUPER into himself. Maybe you’ll be into him too.

Advantages : Maybe you could get him to disable Trump’s Twitter account, for good.

Disadvantages : Twitter has gone through a few rounds of layoffs recently, and his companies don’t appear to have any way of ever making money.

John Zimmer: Lyft

As the co-founder and president of Lyft( a company worth $11 billion ), John could definitely provide for an intellectually challenging and financially supportive lifestyle. Plus Uber is the worst, which stimulates Lyft( its top competitor) the best, right? John is 33 years old, a self-proclaimed nice guy( hopefully not too nice because nobody wants that ), and your mama will totally love him.

Advantages : Free rides for life.

Disadvantages : Potential pink mustache fetish.

Drew Houston: Dropbox

Drew is the founder and CEO of Dropbox, that file storing and sharing software that somehow still hasn’t figured out how to induce file storing and sharing all that easy. He’s worth an estimated$ 1 billion and sorta looks like a chubbier version of Elon Musk–no, just me? He loves talking about being a founder and he could probably has become a boyfriend/ life coach hybrid if you are into that sort of thing.

Advantages : Limitless storage for your food pics.

Disadvantages : You would have to figure out how Dropbox works.

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